An examplaric process

A client with difficulties maintaining healthy boundaries

A woman seeks counseling, since she is structurally over responsible at her work. Her family life and health suffer from it. Despite that she is aware of her tendency, she doesn't manage to guard her boundaries

In the direct contact, the counselor notices that the client is very structured, organised and punctual. He also notices her tendency to somewhat look after him. Besides, he senses little lightness or playfulness in the contact

When the woman discusses her past, it emerges that her mother passed away in her childhood. She took over disproportional responsibilities in her family system over her younger brother and the household. She acted out of love for her father and loyalty to her family of origin

The client can discuss her history in a distanced and factual manner. Until the supervisor lets her truly engage in a constellation about reciprocating tasks. Then the tears of unresolved grief for her mother finally come. She also mourns the lack of improvidence and playfulness of her youth

In both the mourning and practicing a new, authentic "no" unfolds room to make new choices in the present. It allows the client to maintain healthy boundaries. And importantly, to do so while remaining in contact with herself and the other

-Professional Remarks-

Mere cognitive awareness doesn‘t always offer a complete solution. Implicitly, the client communicates a misplaced loyalty to the system of her job

In the direct contact with the counselor the client already implicitly communicates the underlying theme

It was the best answer she could give as a child, but in the present this answer doesn't serve either herself or the various systems (family, work) that she is part of

Instead of talking, sometimes a symbolic, metaphoric or body-oriented approach is a more powerful intervention in the process

After the mourning, the facilitator notices that the client becomes milder in her being. Also he experiences the new "no" as an authentic and convincing expression of a boundary